I was recently enlightened to the notion that I exude a
sense of low self-esteem. Crap. Or is it by design?
Most people think
that the thing to strive for is happiness but that seems false to me because
happiness and high self-esteem are fleeting.
Nothing goes away faster than happiness but sadness and low self-esteem
can last forever. I say “low
self-esteem” but how I define it is just a critical introspection and a harsh
self-awareness of ones own flaws. Is that low self-esteem or just critical
self-awareness? The key to appearing confident with all this low self-esteem is
to make peace with all your own flaws.
I don’t think that self esteem is linear but circular. If
you took a line and put high self-esteem on one end and low self-esteem on the
other end then took that line and bent it into a circle you would have the
circle of self esteem. If you notice that
high and low self esteem are right next to each other, meaning that if you
aren’t paying attention they look the same.
And there it is, that’s how low self esteem makes you look confident.
Its not just regular low self esteem either, anyone can mope
around feeling gloomy, its gotta be really low to the point that you have
stopped caring about self esteem all together.
Low self esteem stops being a fault and becomes a virtue when you let go
of all the pretentions that come with feeling sorry for yourself and when you
really stop caring what others think.
Lots of things change when this happens like you will stop walking
around with your head down because you don’t care who’s looking at you, you
dress the way you really want to because nobody cares what you’re clothes looks
like. When you’re self esteem is low
enough, you realize that you’re bulletproof because there is nothing anyone can
do or say to hurt your feelings. You
don’t walk around with a false confidence that high self esteem brings but with
real confidence because you’ve accepted who you really are and you don’t care
if anyone accepts it or not. Now that
you know the secret, enjoy.
Is that what happiness feels like, or contentment? Don’t ask me, it’s all low self-esteem to me.
P.S.
…I just want to add something real quick. Who the hell has
high self-esteem? I want to know who
these deluded people are. Am I the only one that thinks that the proper human
response to life is constant self-examination with almost a paranoid
preoccupation with a fear of being part of the problem. If a few more people were like that the world
might be a better place or they might even think twice before doing harm to
others. I don’t understand high self-esteem
because it seems like a blindness to the animal we all are inside. Some of us keep a hyper vigilance on the
animal inside so we can keep it at bay but maybe this is just the animal
lashing out.
Maybe… this is just me exuding low self esteem again.
